Every so often I will make posts that deliver the hard truth and thus they are not so easily received or accepted. This will be one of those posts and I am going to elaborate on an analogy I’ve heard used by other coaches to make my point. If you have at one point or another turned down the offer to work with myself or a coach of AT, then this would apply to you. Furthermore, if you ghosted us after we took the time to assess your goals and provide our thoughts on a success path, then this applies to you.
If you contacted myself or someone on my team and you decided to not move forward with coaching, you have forfeited your right to complain. The only person that’s left to blame is the person staring back at you in the mirror.
I realize that is a bold statement, so let me explain using the analogy I previously referenced. If you were thirsty and you were struggling because you’re dehydrated and uncomfortable, coaching is like a glass of water.
With that in mind, at Adaptive we are offering you this water as a solution to your current predicament. An offer of coaching and guidance is our way of extending the glass of water out to those in need.
Many times, the response back from the potential client will be alike the following:
1. I don’t want your water, it’s not the right time to drink it
2. I cannot afford to drink your water
3. No response at all, and ignoring future follow-up messages and contacts (aka ghosting)
Whatever reason you make to not drink the water; the bottom line is you are choosing to continue to be uncomfortable versus taking the solution to your problem.
You have every right to make that choice, however let’s make no mistake about it you are choosing your current problems, you are choosing your current displeasure over the solution. As such, you have no right to complain about not being where you want to be if you’re not where you want to be right now, and you are turning down the solution.
If you justify this by telling yourself that now isn’t the right time, or you can’t afford it then you’re literally putting a price tag or a time window on the things that you desire. My question to you, and one I pose to all clients who I begin working with, is why do you even want to achieve your goals, or what makes this important to you?
The responses that I’ve received are often very personal, such as:
1. I want to gain confidence and to set a positive example for my children so that they don’t grow up with disordered eating habits and struggle like I did.
2. I want to feel more comfortable in my own skin and to not limit my desire to participate in life’s many experiences out of discomfort or anxiety over how I look.
And sometimes, it is honestly as simple as I want to look better naked or to be perceived as more attractive to my significant other.
By passing on the opportunity to get assistance on your goal (whatever it may be) you are putting a price tag on what that’s worth. A price tag on setting a better example for your kids, your confidence, and ultimately making yourself a priority. Having a family, I can understand that sometimes other things do take precedence and cost is a factor on any decision. In many cases it is in how you frame the situation, or in other words rather than stating I can’t afford it, ask how can I afford this?
When using the phrasing, “I can’t”, you are removing the possibility right at the start and conceivably missing out on an option you had not considered. You can make all the excuses you want, but at the end of the day the communication that you’re sending to yourself is that I’m not a priority. I’m not worth getting resourceful for it. I’ve been struggling with this situation for years, decades, and I’ll just bear the burden and that’s okay.
If you are still reading, you have likely thought, “How do I know that this water will quench my thirst, or how do I know that this water will actually make a difference?” My response, “You know what guarantees you remain thirsty? Not drinking the water.” We know for sure that not drinking the water will keep you uncomfortable. So when the water is there and you’re like well, I don’t know if drinking that water is going to suffice, that’s fine.
If you cannot embrace uncertainty, then you cannot embrace growth
The reality is that you’re turning down the solution. You are making a conscious decision and actively choosing the certainty of your current situation.
My apologies if you find this post offensive, sometimes we just need that wakeup call and hopefully this is received as a wakeup call more than anything else. I’m not coming at it from the perspective of I think it’s easy because I can promise you that I spent MANY years turning down water and complaining about it over and over.
I have wasted thousands of dollars on supplements. I have turned down the water and spent money on solutions that were not really the solution but rather quick fixes. I was initially skeptical about the financial investment in hiring a coach because of these past failures. I also knew that I was not okay with the certainty of how I felt, I was not okay with the certainty of my pain and discomfort. I could have easily said, “Well I’ve spent all this money and I’m not going to spend any more”, but I didn’t because I knew that the solution was more important to me than the temporary financial hit. And even to this day I seek out and hire coaches to continue refining myself and to improve my abilities to pay it forward to the people I work with.
This is not an ego-based post, although I am very confident in my ability to help others, but I want this to apply to your thought process when considering coaches outside of Adaptive as well. You just might be turning down the solution that will keep you from letting another year go by and struggling with the same obstacles in health and wellness. If nothing else, PLEASE….
For the love of God at least have the common decency to reply back and state that you are no longer interested when a coach presents an offer in response to you reaching out for help.